I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
