I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
