Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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