D3 body, D1 cock
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
