I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
