my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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