and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
