Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
