Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
