Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
