FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
