so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
