How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
