eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
