textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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