What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
