she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
