Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
