There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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