My hand turned me down
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize