She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
