Plan B is the new Plan A
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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