i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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