i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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