someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
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Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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