Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
