Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
