2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
