I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
sex in a hospital.. check
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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