Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
