the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
