Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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