i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
