I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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