Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
