My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
should my penis look like a turkey
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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