I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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