mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
