apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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