So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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