I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
