Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
