sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Randomize
