um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
