I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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