if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
