bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
