guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
