Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
