Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
