Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
