There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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