So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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