YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
