he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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