Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
