There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
