Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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