mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
