i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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