Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize