New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
